Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What did the pastry cook say when he was making the cake?
Bat-a-cake. Bat-a-cake.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do rabbits say before they eat? Lettuce pray.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights?
A mouseketeer!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
How did the shark do on his test?
Fin-Tastic!
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
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