Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What do you call a koala with a negative attitude? The bearer of bad news.
What do crows take for their gut issues? crow-biotics.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What does a chocolate crow say? “Cacao!”
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
What did the deer say to her friend when she needed assistance?
“Could you doe me a favour?”
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
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