Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
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