How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
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