I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
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