Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
If you put a strawberry in the freezer, you can make a strawberry shake!
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
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