A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
"Rosé all day."
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
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