What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
"I mead more wine."
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
I yam what I yam.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
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