"Stop and smell the rosé."
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
"Alcohol you later."
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
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