I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
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