I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
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