What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
"I need to re-wine my life."
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?