What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Join us for a slice of fun.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
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