When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
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