Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
"I mead more wine."
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
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