Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
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