What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
"Sip happens."
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
"I'd like to make a toast!", said the bread to the bride on her wedding day.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
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