What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What did the Cheese salesman say? That cheese may be Gouda, but this one is Feta!
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
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