What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
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