I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
We’re a perfect mash.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
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