What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
This foundation is rock salad.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
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