I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Join us for a slice of fun.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
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