I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
"No wine left behind."
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
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