What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
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