"Back that glass up."
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
I yam what I yam.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
Join us for a slice of fun.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
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