A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
"Rosé all day."
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
Time fries when you’re having fun!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
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