What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
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