What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
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