Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
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