What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
"Read between the wines."
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
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