Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
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