I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
"Read between the wines."
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
"Great minds drink alike."
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
I yam what I yam.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
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