Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
I love you a tot!
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
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