Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
I yam what I yam.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
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