hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do you see at a funeral for a piece of fruit? Apple-bearer.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
I think therefore I yam.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
"You had me at merlot."
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
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