If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
"It's wine o'clock."
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
The strawberry was very good at racing because he was always juiced up before a race.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
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