It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
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You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
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