When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
What a spud muffin.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
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