What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
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