During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
"Great minds drink alike."
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
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