What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
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