"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
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