"You can't sip with us."
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
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