The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
"No wine left behind."
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
You knead me in your loaf.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Everybody romaine calm.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
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