Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Go to BabaMail
