I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
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