Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
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