What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
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