In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
"Sip happens."
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
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