What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
I love you from my head tomato
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
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