What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
"No wine left behind."
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
"Say you'll be wine."
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
"Adulting makes me wine."
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
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