What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
Who were the first cheese lovers ever?
Edam and Eve.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
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