How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
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