Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
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