Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
"Partners in wine."
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Go to BabaMail
