What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
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