As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
"Sip happens."
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
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