Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Everybody romaine calm.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
"Partners in wine."
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
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