What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
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