Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
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