What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
My wife came home angry from the gynecologist after he told her she had to stop using lemon douche
She's been such a sour puss about it.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
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