Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Donut even think about taking another donut!
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
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