What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
You’re wine in a million.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
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