Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
"You had me at merlot."
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
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