My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
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