My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What kind of birthday cake do they serve in heaven?
Angel food cake.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
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