What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
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