What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
You’re wine in a million.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
I yam what I yam.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
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