What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What is ice cream’s favorite TV show?
Game of Cones.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
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