"On cloud wine."
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
"Will you accept this rosé?"
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
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