What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
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