Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
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