What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
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