How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
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