What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
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