The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
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