What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
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