A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
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