"Chardonnay or should I go?"
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
Pizza: the only time top-less isn't fun
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
"No wine left behind."
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
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