Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
"I need to re-wine my life."
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Fake ramen noodles are also called the impasta.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
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