Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
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