Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
Why should you always bring a bag of tortilla chips to a party?
In queso emergency.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
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