My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
We’re a perfect mash.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What do you call fake oranges?
“Pulp Fiction”
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
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