What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
You don't know jack-o-lantern
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
I yam what I yam.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
"Here for the right riesling."
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
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