The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
"It's wine o'clock."
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
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