I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
"You can't sip with us."
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
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