What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
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