Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
"I make pour decisions."
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Everybody romaine calm.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
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