Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
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