What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
A beaver's experience in college deep-ends on if they go to the best university.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Where do beavers go for a hair cut? To the bobber shop.