What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Time to celery-brate.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I love you from my head tomato
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What a spud muffin.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
I think therefore I yam.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I hope for world peas.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
This foundation is rock salad.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I yam what I yam.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Everybody romaine calm.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
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