Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
I yam what I yam.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
I think therefore I yam.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
This foundation is rock salad.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Time to celery-brate.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Everybody romaine calm.
What a spud muffin.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I love you from my head tomato
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
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