Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I think therefore I yam.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Everybody romaine calm.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I love you from my head tomato
I hope for world peas.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What a spud muffin.
I yam what I yam.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Time to celery-brate.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
This foundation is rock salad.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
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