Well aren't you good little boys and girls, coming to get some Vegetable Puns in your humor diet!

What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Time to celery-brate.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Everybody romaine calm.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I hope for world peas.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I love you from my head tomato
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?

The broccoli.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I think therefore I yam.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Sign Up for a Free Daily Joke!