I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
I love you from my head tomato
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I yam what I yam.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I think therefore I yam.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What a spud muffin.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I hope for world peas.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Time to celery-brate.
This foundation is rock salad.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
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