Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I hope for world peas.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
I think therefore I yam.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
This foundation is rock salad.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Keep calm and carrot on.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Everybody romaine calm.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I yam what I yam.
I love you from my head tomato
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What a spud muffin.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Time to celery-brate.