You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I yam what I yam.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What a spud muffin.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I hope for world peas.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
I love you from my head tomato
I think therefore I yam.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
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