I think therefore I yam.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
This foundation is rock salad.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I love you from my head tomato
I yam what I yam.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Everybody romaine calm.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Time to celery-brate.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I hope for world peas.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
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