What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Everybody romaine calm.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
This foundation is rock salad.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
I think therefore I yam.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I yam what I yam.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I love you from my head tomato
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
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