What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
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