I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!