Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.