My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
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