The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
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