Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"