So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
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