Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
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