I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
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