What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
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