I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
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