My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
Why did the slice of bread leave her boyfriend? She thought that he was just too knead-y.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
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