Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
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