What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
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