What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
"On cloud wine."
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.