Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What a spud muffin.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
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