Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
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