Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
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