My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
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