I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
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