I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Donut even think about taking another donut!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
I yam what I yam.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
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