What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
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