Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
"It's wine o'clock."
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
"I make pour decisions."
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
The bread did not believe that he could work at his job much longer. He was feeling too crusty.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
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