I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
"I need to re-wine my life."
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
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