What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
"You can't sip with us."
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
My wife doesn't like spicy food and I think it's a cayenne shame.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
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