What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Q: How do you call a magic berry?
A: Cherry Potter.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
"Say you'll be wine."
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
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