In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
"Sip happens."
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
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