"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Why did the pineapple’s phone die? It needed juice.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
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