What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Go to BabaMail
