How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
I love you from my head tomato
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
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