Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
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