What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What a spud muffin.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Is beef soup good for our health? Not if you are the cow.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
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