Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
"You had me at merlot."
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
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