Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
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