Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
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