Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What's red and has 7 dents in it?
Snow white's cherry!
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
This foundation is rock salad.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
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