I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
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