Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Join us for a slice of fun.
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I am really broth-taking when I see the signer vomiting soup.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
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