My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
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