Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
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