What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
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