What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
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